A very good day

There has been a friend that has been not only a tremendous help to me in every aspect of this adoption, but she has also been such an inspiration. She is an amazing person. She has been working hard to also bring her son home from China. Well, today she booked her flights to China! She is leaving in about 2 and a half weeks and will be with her son in about 3!!! I am so excited and so happy for her. I know the journey. And this is what all the work and tough times are for. He's coming home!! What a great day! And as we ring in 2013, it is front most on my mind that we are not far behind. We are believing. The finances are going to work out. When we get the call, we'll be able to bring our son home! Frank Martin Quan Sagat we love you so much!!!This is the year, you will finally have a family, your forever family.

New Year

I've always loved new years because it is a time of new beginnings, new possibilities, new dedications to all that is most important. Last year was so hard. This year feels just as hard as we are approaching the anniversary of my dad going to heaven. I don't know why the actual date makes such a difference. We miss him all the time. The "hurt" is always there. But yet, as the date approaches, for some reason, it does seem to get harder. Joshua has been sick. Last night he was having a rough nights sleep. When he finally seemed to be in a deep sleep I got myself to bed, and just found myself sobbing thinking about my dad. Reliving the traumatic moments of last year. Missing him so horribly. I still can't part with the coat I had bought him for Christmas last year even though he only got to wear it once. It had meant so much to me to get a coat that was the warmest but yet the lightest because he was so weak. And he really liked it. It was all part of that day. That last trip to the cancer center that ended him in the hospital once again. We thought we were going home, and he was so happy. But then they whisked him away so fast, and he was so concerned about that coat. It still hurts.  But this year we also have something to hope for. This year is the last Christmas and New Years that Fu Quan will spend in an orphanage. I know this year will probably not be an easy one, full of lots of transition. But I'll take it! Last night as I was sitting with Joshua waiting for him to fall back to sleep, I asked him what he was thinking about. He said "Frankie". "Good or bad?" I asked. I wasn't sure if the thought of having another child in the house, or sharing his room, was starting to trouble him. "All good". he quickly replied. "I just want him home". I agreed. Then I spoke to him about some of the things that might be difficult. He looked up at me and said "I don't care, I just really want him home so bad". He is such a good boy. He is getting older, 10 yrs old already. He hasn't lost that heart. I hope he never does. I'll never forget the time, he wasn't more than 3, something came on the TV showing children around the world that would not have anything for Christmas, and Joshua went and started collecting his toys to send to them. I am so thankful he is going to be going with me to bring Fu Quan home. He needs to see this prayer answered, the way he has hoped. He has experienced so much loss over the past year. So many prayers that weren't answered the way he wanted. He has been praying for this child, his brother, for so long. This year both my sons will see the awesomeness of God and how much he does love them. I wish everyone the very best in the new year. I pray all will be blessed with a love for God and realization of how much he loves each one of us, no matter what.

Answers

 We are so close. And our precious son is going to be coming home. I can't wait to have him home. To be tucking him in at bedtime with his brother and sisters. Oh, this has been such a long difficult journey. But not without its blessings. We have had to have faith like never before. We've had to even appear crazy to some, when we continued to believe God would provide when it seemed like there was no way. When we started around 10 months ago we needed a huge amount of money to adopt Quan. We just got approved for a partial loan. It would have been great to get the full amount of money needed so we could have "rested" a little during this. But I don' t think we are suppose to. :) And honestly we were just so blessed to get the loan for the amount we got.  In the beginning we estimated we needed around $25,000? Now we are estimating we need around $8000 or maybe $9000. Wow. That's exciting. To have gotten that far. Still a little scary because we are down to probably about 2 months until Quan should be coming home. God will provide a way. I can't wait to have him home. I will know he is warm in his bed at night. That he has a full tummy. And that he is with his family that loves him so much!  We will all finally be together, to go through everything together. Quan (Frankie) we all love you so much. And God loves you so much. We are so blessed that God chose us to be your parents. We will do what ever it takes. Very soon my precious boy, you will finally be coming home.

The Journey

The past weeks have had many highs and lows in our adoption journey. The bank turned  down the loan and we just really didn't know what we would do. That week at church our Pastor was preaching a sermon about when God says no. I left feeling so sad. Was God saying no, after all this time, and with our whole hearts invested in this little boy being our son. We prayed and talked about it. Michael didn't feel God was saying no, just that we had to not give up and work harder. I was really seeking God's will. I've learned that no matter how bad we want something, if it's not God's will, and we take it into our own hands, it wouldn't be good. But I was so sure he was our son. We were at the end of having anything else to try, and there were no answers. Then it hit me. Quan had been told about us. He was excited and it gave him hope. How do you take that away. God would never have allowed him to be told about us if we weren't going to adopt him. That would be so cruel. That's not God. He would never allow that. But I didn't know what else to do. So I called Show Hope,  I was so desperate, and crying. And they told me they had been contacted by the American Christian Credit Union in California and that I should call them. I did. Everything finally started getting better. Finally we were seeing answers. We aren't there yet, but we are moving forward and we're finally back to seeing this is going to happen. There are no words to explain how happy we are. Thank God. And thank you everyone for praying, We got our I800 approval and everything is on its way.

Waiting

We are still waiting for answers.  But I am choosing to focus on the answers I've already been given. I am so thankful for my husband and my children, and our family. During my prayer time this morning I kept being brought to this scripture. Romans 8:23-25:  "...even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see; we eagerly wait for it with perseverance."  I am so thankful that God is God. We are still waiting for an answer from the bank. And waiting for our paperwork. But I know God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. There is peace in knowing that. This past year has been the hardest of our lives. Everything was shaken. And we had to say goodbye - for now- to Billy, and my dad, and my father in law. There were so many, huge struggles. Our hearts were broken. And all this time having this precious little boy who's been placed in our hearts and wanting so much to finally have him home. It's been hard, and painful. But we know God hurts when we hurt, and he hears our cries, we are never alone. There is so much healing when we allow it. I love and praise Him with all my heart for who He is and all that He is doing. He "is" in control, and I am thankful that I am not. There is so much more I wanted to say today, but have decided instead, to be quiet, for now:)