A very good day

There has been a friend that has been not only a tremendous help to me in every aspect of this adoption, but she has also been such an inspiration. She is an amazing person. She has been working hard to also bring her son home from China. Well, today she booked her flights to China! She is leaving in about 2 and a half weeks and will be with her son in about 3!!! I am so excited and so happy for her. I know the journey. And this is what all the work and tough times are for. He's coming home!! What a great day! And as we ring in 2013, it is front most on my mind that we are not far behind. We are believing. The finances are going to work out. When we get the call, we'll be able to bring our son home! Frank Martin Quan Sagat we love you so much!!!This is the year, you will finally have a family, your forever family.

New Year

I've always loved new years because it is a time of new beginnings, new possibilities, new dedications to all that is most important. Last year was so hard. This year feels just as hard as we are approaching the anniversary of my dad going to heaven. I don't know why the actual date makes such a difference. We miss him all the time. The "hurt" is always there. But yet, as the date approaches, for some reason, it does seem to get harder. Joshua has been sick. Last night he was having a rough nights sleep. When he finally seemed to be in a deep sleep I got myself to bed, and just found myself sobbing thinking about my dad. Reliving the traumatic moments of last year. Missing him so horribly. I still can't part with the coat I had bought him for Christmas last year even though he only got to wear it once. It had meant so much to me to get a coat that was the warmest but yet the lightest because he was so weak. And he really liked it. It was all part of that day. That last trip to the cancer center that ended him in the hospital once again. We thought we were going home, and he was so happy. But then they whisked him away so fast, and he was so concerned about that coat. It still hurts.  But this year we also have something to hope for. This year is the last Christmas and New Years that Fu Quan will spend in an orphanage. I know this year will probably not be an easy one, full of lots of transition. But I'll take it! Last night as I was sitting with Joshua waiting for him to fall back to sleep, I asked him what he was thinking about. He said "Frankie". "Good or bad?" I asked. I wasn't sure if the thought of having another child in the house, or sharing his room, was starting to trouble him. "All good". he quickly replied. "I just want him home". I agreed. Then I spoke to him about some of the things that might be difficult. He looked up at me and said "I don't care, I just really want him home so bad". He is such a good boy. He is getting older, 10 yrs old already. He hasn't lost that heart. I hope he never does. I'll never forget the time, he wasn't more than 3, something came on the TV showing children around the world that would not have anything for Christmas, and Joshua went and started collecting his toys to send to them. I am so thankful he is going to be going with me to bring Fu Quan home. He needs to see this prayer answered, the way he has hoped. He has experienced so much loss over the past year. So many prayers that weren't answered the way he wanted. He has been praying for this child, his brother, for so long. This year both my sons will see the awesomeness of God and how much he does love them. I wish everyone the very best in the new year. I pray all will be blessed with a love for God and realization of how much he loves each one of us, no matter what.

Answers

 We are so close. And our precious son is going to be coming home. I can't wait to have him home. To be tucking him in at bedtime with his brother and sisters. Oh, this has been such a long difficult journey. But not without its blessings. We have had to have faith like never before. We've had to even appear crazy to some, when we continued to believe God would provide when it seemed like there was no way. When we started around 10 months ago we needed a huge amount of money to adopt Quan. We just got approved for a partial loan. It would have been great to get the full amount of money needed so we could have "rested" a little during this. But I don' t think we are suppose to. :) And honestly we were just so blessed to get the loan for the amount we got.  In the beginning we estimated we needed around $25,000? Now we are estimating we need around $8000 or maybe $9000. Wow. That's exciting. To have gotten that far. Still a little scary because we are down to probably about 2 months until Quan should be coming home. God will provide a way. I can't wait to have him home. I will know he is warm in his bed at night. That he has a full tummy. And that he is with his family that loves him so much!  We will all finally be together, to go through everything together. Quan (Frankie) we all love you so much. And God loves you so much. We are so blessed that God chose us to be your parents. We will do what ever it takes. Very soon my precious boy, you will finally be coming home.

The Journey

The past weeks have had many highs and lows in our adoption journey. The bank turned  down the loan and we just really didn't know what we would do. That week at church our Pastor was preaching a sermon about when God says no. I left feeling so sad. Was God saying no, after all this time, and with our whole hearts invested in this little boy being our son. We prayed and talked about it. Michael didn't feel God was saying no, just that we had to not give up and work harder. I was really seeking God's will. I've learned that no matter how bad we want something, if it's not God's will, and we take it into our own hands, it wouldn't be good. But I was so sure he was our son. We were at the end of having anything else to try, and there were no answers. Then it hit me. Quan had been told about us. He was excited and it gave him hope. How do you take that away. God would never have allowed him to be told about us if we weren't going to adopt him. That would be so cruel. That's not God. He would never allow that. But I didn't know what else to do. So I called Show Hope,  I was so desperate, and crying. And they told me they had been contacted by the American Christian Credit Union in California and that I should call them. I did. Everything finally started getting better. Finally we were seeing answers. We aren't there yet, but we are moving forward and we're finally back to seeing this is going to happen. There are no words to explain how happy we are. Thank God. And thank you everyone for praying, We got our I800 approval and everything is on its way.

Waiting

We are still waiting for answers.  But I am choosing to focus on the answers I've already been given. I am so thankful for my husband and my children, and our family. During my prayer time this morning I kept being brought to this scripture. Romans 8:23-25:  "...even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see; we eagerly wait for it with perseverance."  I am so thankful that God is God. We are still waiting for an answer from the bank. And waiting for our paperwork. But I know God is good all the time, and all the time God is good. There is peace in knowing that. This past year has been the hardest of our lives. Everything was shaken. And we had to say goodbye - for now- to Billy, and my dad, and my father in law. There were so many, huge struggles. Our hearts were broken. And all this time having this precious little boy who's been placed in our hearts and wanting so much to finally have him home. It's been hard, and painful. But we know God hurts when we hurt, and he hears our cries, we are never alone. There is so much healing when we allow it. I love and praise Him with all my heart for who He is and all that He is doing. He "is" in control, and I am thankful that I am not. There is so much more I wanted to say today, but have decided instead, to be quiet, for now:)

Circle Prayers

A long time ago our Pastor taught a lesson in circle prayers. It was based on the book The Circle Maker written by Mark Batterson. At that time, we were praying about whether we were suppose to adopt Fu Quan. I remember Pastor saying write down something that is your circle prayer, circle it, and commit to praying about it. We wrote Fu Quan, first in a heart, then a circle. We committed to praying, continuously, seriously, without ceasing. After a while we knew we should move forward with adopting him. We were very excited and began working at the adoption process. Paperwork...saving....fundraising...paper work.... selling everything we could, and more and more paperwork. This was our circle prayer. A bold prayer. Something that was complete faith. Belief in that which is unseen. I thought our taking this step was the act of faith. It certainly was huge for us. We were more concerned about being obedient to what we felt God wanted us to do than what people thought about us. We have certainly subjected ourselves to much criticism. But also tremendous support from many. Now when I named this blog, the beginning of this journey, circle praying for Fu Quan. , I was thinking that because this was a very bold prayer and act of faith. Now fast forward to now, we were just denied the loan that we needed to complete the adoption. The second attempt. We were devastated at first. But after a lot of prayer we have decided to pray it through. The book goes on to say that circle prayers are when you are backed into a circle where the only way out is through a miracle from God. The focus of the book is not only to pray these bold purposeful prayers, but to pray them through. So whether I brought this on myself by naming this circle prayers, this is where we are right now. Committed to not just praying, but "praying it through". We still have not had to hold anything up due to lack of funds. We are so appreciative of everyone please covering this with prayer. I know there are a lot of awesome intercessors out there. We'd really appreciate the troops backing us up:)  Thanks guys.

I800

We figured out and completed the next group of forms needed in this paper chase! A little confusing with 864's and 864W's. But all is well. It is on it's way via Fed Ex and should be there on Wednesday!

The Man on the news from Georgia

I am going to post this here because I want to post it some where, to remember. Days ago I was very moved by this man I saw on the news and in light of everything that is coming over the news after the election, I hold on to this one image. I really don't know how this relates, or how to explain what I am feeling, but here goes. After the hurricane, there was a man from Georgia that packed up a trailer with food, water, and supplies and headed up to NY to help the people that have lost everything. He cooked them grits and biscuits and wonderful Southern foods to comfort them and warm them in their time of need. I cry every time I think of him and that clip from the news. Then the election happens. I'm going to be honest. We, as a family, are devastated with the results.  We believe there was a lot at stake here. I feel as a nation we sold our souls, and a whole lot more, in the name of "tolerance". This was not the case of Republicans not getting their way. There have been many Democratic presidents in the past. The response was not one of what it is now. So with that being said, we dream of someday not living here. Somewhere that our vote will count. We relate to those feelings expressed from those in the "very red"  part of the country and look in disappointment at all the blue here. Maybe this man is a democrat from Georgia, I know they exist. And probably feel as we do being from NY. Maybe he is a Republican. I don't know. But when people are screaming they want "us" out of the country, I want to scream back, "But we're here too". Needed to get that off my chest and trying to not spout off on face book any more.:) And to that man from Georgia, what ever party you belong to, thank you. You are a very positive image in a very trying time. God bless you.

Through the storms

Boy have we been going through the storms. Literally. Through everything, when our children look back in history they will remember when hurricane Sandy hit the north east. How so many lost so much. How we all prayed, packed up and bought what ever we could to help and head out to see what we could do.Then the devastating election where mommy cried and daddy walked around for days waving his hands. Our country very much divided. And the snow storm with super winds causing us to once again lose power. My poor Hannah will probably never again venture into the bathroom without a flashlight in hand. I am heart sick over the election to the tune of spouting off to face book about how I really feel. Got some support from some awesome friends that share my concerns and faith. Pray hard, Work hard, Trust God. That's it. And keep moving forward trying to bring our boy home, with all we've got.

LOA

We got "the call" yesterday that we got our LOA and it arrived by Fedex today. He's our son. We are moving forward with the paperwork in faith and really believing God has a plan. Everyone is praying for this little guy. He went so many years being out of site in a very small orphanage in a remote place where adoptions were not allowed. But God knew him. God never forgot him. God hasn't forgotten now. So many people are praying for him. Frankie, some day you will read this and you will know how much you matter, to God, to Mommy and Daddy, your brother and sisters, and to so many more people. You are so loved.  This will happen. My hubby is so full of faith. He keeps saying "God's going to provide". I will be very happy to get past this trial. It is Wednesday 11:45 raining and 62 in Shuyang right now. Not too cold yet thank goodness. I hope he is having a decent lunch. I wish so much he was tucked in and sleeping upstairs right now with a full tummy with his brother and sisters. I am very tired tonight and didn't get to enjoy the night time routine as much as I normally do. I love when they are all home and safely tucked in to bed. With all their blankies and pillows, Allie has enough in her bed with her I sometimes wonder how she fits. It's just a cool feeling knowing they are safe and tucked in for the night. I want him home. Tomorrow I will hit the paper work again. Get all the forms together that I need and fill out the last forms that are not yet filled out. I think we are winding down with that part anyway. If we are able to come up with the money and there aren't any delays he could be home in 3 months. That would be so good. Good night all. Good afternoon Frankie. We love you.

Love my children!

Just want to take a minute away from the stresses of the adoption finance crisis, and the upset of this election year, and my less than happy feelings about being from a very liberal state. Sorry, but that's the truth. They keep ripping my lawn signs down! Really?! I just want to look at the beautiful day, and love my hubby and kids. I love this picture from when we were at Finks Farm. That was before prayer walking through their Liam Strong corn maze. Joshua was in a bit of a rambunctious mood that day, so I was alternating, praying for Liam, praying for my sanity. I hate to admit it, but we cheated. We were just not getting out of there the correct way. Not that day anyway. I saw day light and went for it. Joshua was not happy with me. I love that Finks did this for such an awesome little guy. Keeping him in our prayers big time.

2:45 am

This will be a quick one since 7am is coming quickly. I got an email from my friend that had info for another grant agency. So I just stayed up working on more paperwork. :) Faith makes all things possible....not easy. I know there's a reason for all this.  I am going to continue working and praying. Please keep us in prayer as we try other avenues. My honey keeps saying "It's going to happen", "It's gonna happen". When I ask if he knows how, He says, "No"....."But it's gonna happen". Some day our son will be reading this, and he will know how much we all love him, and how badly we wanted him to be part of our family.

I love my kids

I shared with the kids two nights ago how we don't know where the finances are coming from to complete Frankie's adoption since the bank didn't approve the loan based on the home appraisal. This is a very difficult time and I felt I should let them know so we could be praying together as a family about this. This morning after I got them all out to school I went upstairs to straighten up and on my dresser was money and a note, "for mom, love Hannah". She had emptied her piggy bank out. I am so blessed by my beautiful children's hearts. Allie shared tonight at the dinner table that when asked at school who her hero was she said her daddy because he works so hard and for adopting Fu Quan......They have been praying faithfully for so long for this little guy that they know as their brother.  My friend got her letter of approval today. I am so happy for her and all the people that got there approvals today. This is the time we've all been waiting for. I would normally be jumping for joy because we were a week behind, so ours should be here any day now. With out the loan we don't have the money to move forward when it arrives. The sad thing is we were suppose to get this loan. The change in our home appraisal is because of forclosures. We wouldn't have any difficulty with the loan. And still I keep hearing from God that this adoption is meant to be. So I'm still claiming God's got this one. Believing and praying.

By Faith Not By Site

A door closed today. After prayer we are standing firm. This has always been a God thing. From day one. Things have not happened the way we thought they would. But then Joshua and Hannah didn't arrive the way we thought they would either and Allie arrived in God's perfect timing. God far out did any miracles we could ever have imagined. Hey, I started this blog and this journey with "circle prayers".  This is a big one. Going back to that lesson. I am so thankful to be taught by such an awesome leadership that's at Lambs Chapel. We were totally led there by God 8 yrs ago this month. We are grateful to be surrounded by such an awesome church. Really helpful in times like these. As Michael said today after he told me to not let fear in, "we're down but not out". I am still believing God is going to have the glory in this. And our little guy is not going to be left an orphan. It's in His Word, and I'm standing on it!  It has been really tough lately. Well, for a while now. Those that know us, we lost like half our family this year. In 15 days it will be the one year anniversary of Billy going to heaven. And now recently there's some things going on. It's weighing heavy on me. And I've been praying so hard for some things (people) that are on my heart. Thank God some of those prayers  are being answered :)  And there's that Amanda Todd girl that is all over face book and the internet, just really can't get her off my mind. How many other kids are there just like her out there. I pray to God that one never crosses my path without my noticing or trying to do something to help. Then, sitting in church yesterday, like a light going on, an Amanda that I use to know came to my mind. Actually her mom was a dear friend of mine from the past and she has been on my mind a lot lately. I have her picture sitting out for a few weeks now and I was remembering back to when she was here.  So Amanda just came to mind in the middle of the service yesterday, so I looked her up. My heart broke a little bit tonight. I remember learning when you are praying for people you have to pass it on to God. If you are getting weighed down, your holding on to things. So I am trying really hard to give it all to God. A very wonderful grandpa I use to know had made a plaque once that said "Give all your troubles to God, He'll be up all night anyway." So that's my thought for tonight as I try to get some sleep. Good night all.

Praying

Over 2 weeks later, 16 days, we still don't have good news. We are still praying and believing God has a plan. Saw a video last night of my little man from this past winter in the orphanage. All the kids were very bundled up as they do not have heat in the winters. I want him home before it gets real cold this winter. We are still getting all kinds of signs from God that it's all meant to be. Praying for that needed miracle. I have to daily remind myself that faith is believing in what is unseen and that God is in control.

Believing

Follow up to that very long post, it continues to be tough with all the birthdays this month. On Sept 24 I woke up to the most amazing email. It was a message from our agency, "this came from Beijing this morning". Then it proceeded to show the email that said that Quan was very excited when he saw the album and that he kept looking through it over and over again. Then it said, "He would like to let his parents know that he can't wait to see them soon." I was so over joyed. There couldn't have been a better birthday present. Then 10 minutes later we got very bad news concerning our adoption funding. I really don't have the mind to explain right now. I can only say, I truly feel we are under attack. As my good friend Teresa said I can't let the devil steal my joy. He's working over time lately. But God will have the glory. Spending time in prayer and having......FAITH.... believing in those things unseen. I can't see the way. The testimony isn't here yet. But when I am weak, He is strong. Feeling very weak lately.  He has his hand on this little guy's life. He has a plan. It's in His hands. With out Him I can do nothing and am nothing. I don't know why things happen the way they do. But I'm not suppose to know. I just have  to trust God. My dad use to always tell me anything really good is never easy, but so worth fighting for. We are fighting for you little man. All the way.

Joshua turned double digits and a new beginning starts

We celebrated Joshua's birthday yesterday. After a very emotional start because half our family is no longer with us this year. Uncle Billy, pop pop and pa were all here for Joshua's 9th birthday. My dad was in the hospital but Joshua insisted on having a birthday pumpkin pie at the hospital with Pop pop. I can't stay on this thought or it will set me off again. But it turned out to be a great day. He was very excited to be "double digits". We went apple picking and had his friend and cousins over, and mema, uncle Jim and Aunt Kathy for dinner and birthday cake. They came after the nerf war was fought through the rooms of the house (thank goodness). I was glad to keep very busy. I don't think I could have made it through the day without being so busy. Joshua was my dad's "buddy". And my dad was Joshua's "best friend". As long as he was still 9, my dad was here when he was 9. But this is the first year my dad is no longer here with him. It's very hard to put into words what a hard time I am having with that. All the things my dad did with and for Joshua. From gourmet breakfasts in the back seat of his car prepared just for him while he drove him to school, endless days at soccer, baseball, and lacrosse fields in all kinds of weather cheering him on, trips to McDonalds, and anywhere Joshua asked him to go... Museums, aquariums, beaches, and parks, swimming in the pools where he taught him and encouraged him to get his arms out of the water, math night and special functions at school, checker games at home. They made bird houses and derby cars for boyscouts, school projects, carved pumpkins at harvest and gingerbread houses at Christmas. My dad was by his side at every function, every day. When we didn't have somewhere to go or something to do he'd just stop in with bananas and milk for the kids and time for a chat. He'd always get an "energy squeeze" from Josh before leaving. That was suppose to help him beat the cancer. That was what Joshua's wish was when he blew out the candles last year. I don't know what he wished this year. Or if he did. My dad was truly very special and a remarkable person. And he loved this little guy so much. They had such an awesome and special bond. And when I showed him Frankie's picture and told him about him. He got excited. One day when we were driving home from somewhere he brought him up again. He wanted to talk about him. He said, "What's the situation you would have with him medically, what's his special need? I told him about his limb difference. He said, "That's it!, That's nothing! If you can work out the finances, you bring him home! It wasn't until a few months later when he was sicker that I told him Frankie shared the same birthday as him. I will never forget the look on his face. He didn't ever say anything and I will always wonder what he was thinking when that look came across his face. I think it meant a lot to him. Or maybe he realized at that moment that this was God's plan that Frankie was suppose to be part of our family. He didn't know we chose to name him Frank Martin. I wish we had made that decision earlier and been able to tell him that. We couldn't move forward with an adoption with my dad so sick. It just wasn't an option. Well, now that I have tears all over the keyboard I have to move on to something very happy, which is what I intended to write tonight. Our letter to Frankie is in Beijing and has been translated and is being mailed to the orphanage he is in tonight (which is tomorrow there). So I guess in about 3 or 4 days he will know what we look like and that we are real. He will get to see his brother, sisters, pets, home, and school. Should I be concerned that he will like us? :) It is hopefully about to become very real for him. Hopefully we are down to the final 4 months. I think that is a pretty good estimate. I need to complete some paper work. I planned on doing that as soon as the kids went back to school but it is still sitting on my to do list. I need to get to it because hopefully we will hear something and be heading to the next step shortly. Well, for anyone that has persevered and is still here I apologize for my long winded entry. Maybe it helped expressing the hurt I've been feeling missing everyone so much lately. Birthdays are tough. I don't have Billy cheering me on at  family functions. He made every thing fun and made you feel what ever it was it would be O.K. Life without my dad, really hard. The other day I was writing at the kitchen table and a car road by and beeped, just like he always did when he passed on his way to the store. The kids would all yell,"there's pop pop!" And we'd all smile. Ten minutes later the doorbell would ring and there would be that NYPD hat in the window. Well, I felt my heart skip a beat. It took my breath away. Followed by many tears. I know we've all been there.... but what I wouldn't give....  It's been getting harder with time, not easier. I feel honored to be able to name one of my son's after him. I don't know how other family members feels about it, but I really need this. I relied on my dad more than I new. I put my first aquarium together today. Joshua got an aquarium for his birthday. I sat looking at all the parts strewn all over the table and the fish looking desperately at me from his temporary small home we had placed him in. I had only so much time before I had to get dinner going, and I thought "I'd be calling my dad right about now". And he'd come right over, put the aquarium together, fix the kitchen light that I have been putting off all week and give everyone hugs before getting back to my mother. I'm trying hard to make him proud. I got that aquarium together...... and it's still running. :) Well, I guess I could keep writing all night, so I better just end with a happy thought. My one little man is now "double digits", and my other little man will be finding out shortly that he has this wacky, but fun, family (and zoo) that loves him very much. Goodnight Frankie, well, it's tomorrow in China now so good morning.

Congratulations!

Just got wonderful news that the little girl that was in the same orphanage with Quan came home and is "VERY" happy. An advocate that fell in love with this child worked years helping her and ultimately connecting her with her family. Her family then worked for 4 years, never giving up, to finally bring her home and make her their daughter!  I am so happy for them to finally be able to rest knowing their daughter is safely home. Then my concern turns to my son. He is still there. They have said in the past that he gets discouraged when another child has a family and he feels he never will. It must be hard for them when a friend leaves. Really the only family they have known. Our letter and photo album did ship out to China yesterday though. So hopefully with in a week he can hold onto proof that we do exist! I pray that brings him hope. And I hope that we will be bringing him home in 4 months, (or less). O.K., I have to say it.  My heart breaks for the 12 year old little boy with the beautiful smile and heart that has wanted a family so much. He is running out of time. Please God let someone come forward for this boy. He needs a family. He can't be left behind as our children are coming home. Please pray for him. (HH, Matt)

LID!!!

We finally have a log in date!! Our LID is 8/27/12!!! Yay, Very happy about that. I woke up in the middle of the night last night thinking about him and couldn't get back to sleep. I spent the time praying for him. I didn't know if there was a specific reason. So I was praying. I hope he is O.K. I figured it must be hard for him with another child going home this week, and yet he continues to wait. They had said he gets upset when someone gets a family and he feels he will never have one. I hope it helps him to know about us now. Hopefully he is not getting doubtful with it taking so long. With our log in date it makes it feel closer to us. Yet for a child the wait is still long. We are moving full steam ahead finishing up paperwork, Joshua's passport arrived today, putting a letter and photos together to send, working out the finances (prayer needed there). It's exciting!!! It's real now. We hung hooks for the kids backpacks yesterday. Pop pop had put away antique hooks that we used. There were 4. :)  We hung them and put the kids backpacks on them. One for each, including Frankie. We got him one to take to China, and then he can use it for school when he comes home. It's going to sound crazy, but they are in the dining room. We are a little space challenged. We do not have a laundry room or mudroom in this house. Or even a closet on our first floor. So our dining room has served a dual purpose of being our "homework room" as the kids refer to it. So there are books in there, and now backpacks. It's all good. I am doing a photo wall above it. Will post a picture later.

Great news for a friend!

The funniest and most amazing thing happened today. Last night I was thinking about a family that I have been in contact with because they are in the process of adopting a little girl that is with Quan in the same orphanage. I haven't emailed in months and thought I should today. Her adoption has been involved and they have been waiting a very long time. Her dad is the man that has met Quan and sent me the wonderful pictures of him smiling and happy. (The only pictures of him smiling and happy) I sent the email and to my surprise got a response that they were leaving for the airport on their way to China to bring their daughter home!!! I am so excited for them! What a wonderful surprise! And he told me that he will be sure to give Quan a hug and a kiss and assure him that he has a family and we will be coming for him too. In a few days he will be with his daughter, and also will see my son!!! I am beyond excited for them. It's a great day.

A letter

I just got to write a letter to my little boy. After we found out that Quan knows about us we immediately wanted to write a letter to him so that he could know that we are in fact real. It is so important to get photos to him so he gets to finally see who we are. It hasn't been fair that we have gotten to see him and he still has no idea who we are. Sure hope he likes us! :) It was such an emotional thing writing that letter. There was so much I wanted to tell him and yet I didn't want to over whelm him. I have to say, that little boy is definitely suppose to be my son. It may not be easy, but I know he is suppose to be with us. I so can't wait to have him home. What ever it takes. I want to be tucking this little guy in at night with his brother and sisters. He has spent too long without a mama.

So handsome!

We got an awesome surprise today. Betty sent us updated photos. He's so handsome. He's a skinny little guy. I wish this would move quicker and someone could just let us go and get him. The kids were excited to see what there new brother looks like right now. But we are all very ready to see him in person. I know no body is more ready than him.  I am working on getting pictures together to make a photo album of all of us so he can see what we look like. I hope so much that it puts a smile on that solemn face. I am hoping it will give him hope if he can see us and know we are real. I have to explain to him that we don't want this wait. That we are doing everything we can. And everyone is working very hard. As an adult I can say, it just takes too long! I can't imagine how this wait feels to a child. My little man, it will be worth the wait. We are going to love you so much. You will never be without a family again. Hold on and be brave. I promise we are coming to bring you home.

           SOMEONE'S MISSING....AND HE'S WAITING FOR US IN JIANGSU

GREAT NEWS!!!

Our dossier was able to be sent to China on Thursday after all!!!  Our home study agency director was out of the country busy working on adoption related things when we desperately needed her signature. Her internet was down, so she was not able to get it to us.  Not to mention a major time difference. It was stressful and went right up to the last moment. But everyone's hard work and God's provision came through. Our dossier made it out as planned. We have been very blessed to have wonderful people helping us and working with us. It can get very frustrating when things don't go smoothly because emotions are running high. We don't want him to spend one more day than he has to in the orphanage. We want him home. The wait is a very difficult thing. It is very hard to be patient. Knowing he is growing up while we wait is not a good feeling.  More big news. We also found out from our agency's Beijing office that they spoke to someone at the orphanage and they said they did tell him about us. So he knows! That's good and bad. I'm happy he does know he has a family. I'm sad because I don't know how long ago they told him and he is probably wondering where the heck we are. They had recommended that we not contact him yet. The wait is so long. For a child it is an eternity. They have found that when the kids have to wait so long they lose hope and get upset. I can understand that. It feels like forever for us too. We still have probably about 6 more months until we finally get our approval to bring him home. I am going to put together a photo album for him and write him a letter. Our agency has offered to translate the letter and get it to him.That is so great! I am very excited. So our boy knows about us!! He was told that he has a family, that he will be going to the U.S., but that he will have to wait several months to see his parents. Well, I am going to get going to write my son a letter!! That is awesome. Finally, I get to speak to him, sort of.

What to say

We got everything done on time. Spent $60 to overnight it....it got there on time. We were busy this morning doing more adoption related stuff. The anticipation of seeing that email that it was received..... and then the bad news. Someone from our agency had not signed a form that was needed for our dossier to be sent to China. I would like to say I stayed calm. But after many emails back and forth, and finding out that the girl that needs to sign the paper is out of the country....I lost it. I really did. I was crying, frustrated and upset. We really jumped through hoops the last 2 weeks. Three trips to the city, literally running through the city at times, staying up all night making copies with a challenging copier, being at the doors of offices before they were open. Over nighting everything to make it in time and then a form is missing that I didn't even know about! Uuuugggghhhh! Really. I'm sad. We have great people helping us. And great agencies. I have to step back and say maybe it is all God's timing. I have to think that. It's out of my hands, We have to give it to God. It's just hard feeling like we are losing weeks with every glitch that comes up. My little guy is growing up in an orphanage and I just want to get him home. He turned 9 last week while we were busy doing paperwork!  If you could see the stack of papers and all the official stamps on everything and saw what we have gone through, how hard we have worked....from classes to letters, to forms, trying to learn the whole process of how to apply for everything and what form is needed and goes where with what, running all over the place to collect everything. We've gotten every clearance, physical, reference,form that can possibly be needed. Just please someone let us come get our child now. I know I am being a complaining whiner. But it hurts. Enough already. We want him home.

Dossier

I'm sitting here holding in my hands our completed dossier!! And I got really emotional. It's been a long time and a lot of work. A lot of writing and a lot of appointments. Michael went back into the city today and picked it up at the consulate. I spent tonight making all the needed copies, photos, checks etc. and put it all together. Months of working on this.  I'm looking at all the official stamps on top of stamps. It's all here. Tomorrow morning we will be at Fed ex when they open so we can overnight this whole package to FTIA. I'm praying that it is all good and it will get the final stamp of approval so it can be on it's way to China!!! We've worked so hard for this. For our little guy. It's been a very hard week. Friday was my dad's birthday. All the things I wanted to write this week, and I just couldn't. It was a hard week to do anything. We miss him so much.  Friday was also Quan's birthday. He turned 9. He turned 9 still not knowing he has a family.  Part of me wants him to know, but part of me hopes he doesn't because it takes so long. If our dossier is good it will be on it's way to China Thursday. Then we wait.  But this is one giant step closer and a big sigh of relief.

Paper Chasing

A lot has happened in the last few days. Our USCIS approval arrived Saturday. So first thing Monday morning Michael was at the county building before they opened while I got the kids ready to head into the city.We had filled out all the latest forms and got them and the power of attorney certified. With finally a COMPLETED DOSSIER we headed off to the city. The kids were very excited to be on this adventure with us. We made great timing and had our birth certificates certified in no time. Then off to the state. After a long wait we found out we had a problem with Michael's employment letter because we live in NY but his job is NJ. My poor honey ran all the way across town, got new paperwork. Then back to the county, then finally back to the state building where we met back after I found somewhere to get the kids lunch. Another long wait, finally everything done... off we all ran before finally realizing there was no way we were making it to the Chinese consulate in time. So we hung out in China town for a while. The kids had a lot of fun and enjoyed showing off the little bit of Mandarin they know, "Ni Hao" and "Shui".  It really worked out because I found out there were things missing that I still needed for the consulate. So I was up until around 2am getting everything in order and at 6:30am Michael headed back to the consulate where he waited on lines for 4 hours, fixed a few things they needed and then finally our dossier was accepted. It will be ready to be picked up on Monday. When we get it back I will work on it right away finishing up all final steps and adding photos that we will be getting ready in the next 2 days, over night it to FTIA, hoping all will be O.K.  If so, our dossier will be on it's way to China a week from tomorrow!! Teresa gave me a heads up to start working on our I800 now so when we get our referral we will be ready to go. I was so glad she did because when I looked it up, it's another book. I mention Teresa a lot. Our social worker introduced us. I am so glad she did! Teresa has been a life saver! She is adopting a little boy from China and we are about a week behind her and her husband in the process.  She is so wonderful and it is so awesome to be going through this at the same time. So that is my paper work saga. Winding down, I think. Oh just to hear....DTC. Can't wait. Of course every knew step comes with a bill. We are in the process of planning a second yard sale for September. So thank you again for all the good wishes. We are getting there. I wish I knew if our little guy knew about us.

USCIS Approval!!

Joshua went to check the mailbox this afternoon and there it was!!! Our approval. We were all very excited and immediately went into planning mode. Checking addresses and times. We are hoping to be able to get to the county, city, secretary of state, and Chinese consulate all on Monday (by 3:30). What are the chances? We are going to give it a good try. Here's hoping that it is a good traffic day in the city. If we are able to do all that, we pick our dossier up 3 or 4 days later, then off it goes! I'm so excited!! We are forever indebted to Teresa for making sense of all this for me. She once again went over our dossier and one last blast of information. With Quan's 9th birthday a week away if is a relief to finally be getting to this point. Also, we are getting near the date when things would start expiring. It's now looking like we might actually make it this time without having to redo everything. Wow. Thanks for everyone's prayers. It's prayer that is making this happen. Quan's birthday is the same date as my dad's. It will be a difficult day. But knowing we are taking a huge step toward getting him home is so good. All week I've been thinking about my dad saying to me, if you can do it, bring him home. We're bringing him home dad. I hope some how you are seeing this. Missing you every second of every day.

Eagerly went to the mailbox, knowing our USCIS approval would be there.....And it WASN'T!!!! I'm so sad. I truly hope this isn't going to mess up our plans of trying to do this Monday. We hoped to be in the city doing this today. "Let go and let God". I keep saying that. There's a reason for all this. Trying very hard to be patient. There's always tomorrow. If it's not here then, I just don't know. I guess we'll face that if it happens. For now, I'm going to really be hoping it will be in the mail tomorrow.

Paperwork update

Bad news....still waiting for USCIS approval. Good news......it is confirmed in the mail!!!! Yeah. Last piece of paper to complete our dossier! (I hope). Every time I think this is it, I find I am missing something else that I didn't know we needed. I really think this is it now. Thanks to Teresa and Caren our home study is fully complete. All needed documents there. Another "yeah". Tomorrow I am going to spend some time going over everything, dossier, budget, time line, and see where we are at. As soon as the form arrives we need to get it to the county, then we go into the city to certify last documents, then on to the state. Hopefully we get that done in one day so we can send everything off to the Chinese consulate. So close! I will keep you up to date.

Happy Birthday Hannah

We celebrated Hannah's birthday last week. She is so excited about being 6. She decided it was time to remove some of the "baby" things from her room, now that she is all grown up. :) So we are working on switching things up a little bit and giving her a big girl room. It was a bit emotional for me.... she'll always be my baby. But we had fun with it. Just by removing some things and moving things around made such a difference. We flipped her comforter over to the underside(which happened to be a bright fushia color), we found some really cool material at Walmart that I have a plan for. And my little designer girl is going to do some art work to display. Happy Birthday to my sweet little princess.xox

We miss and love you Uncle Billy

                                                      Just one year ago.

Camping 2012

We still haven't gotten our approval from USCIS yet. I forget the name (or number) of the form we are waiting for....only know it's not here yet. We are going into the city next week to hand deliver all forms since there are a few places we need to go to and it saves us 5 weeks in the wait doing it in person. We are so hoping we will have everything here by then so we can do it all at once. In the meantime we are playing the waiting game. We took the kids to go camping at the beach for the week. It was fun, but we were seriously missing Billy. That was his place and being there without him just wasn't right. :(  The kids decorated and wrote messages on shells to him and we placed them at a private place off the camp ground. It was hard. Many tears and a lot of memories. I regret now not having taken a picture of it because they worked so hard on it. I didn't take my usual photos this time. It was good we went. The kids needed a change of scenery and they had a good time. It's always beautiful at the beach. But someone needs to tell the puppies that is going to be Fu Quan's bunk. :) I wonder if he will like camping like his brother and sisters.

Timeline

We have been busy getting things done today. The police department had our clearances. USCIS was wonderful and let us walk in and have our fingerprints done. The staff there was so nice and helpful. That bought us major time back. We should now get our clearances in about 1-2 months.  It was so much easier than when we went for Allie's adoption, and was located right in Holtsville! This was great since this time we had the kiddos with us. We then got everything certified by the county. When we get our approval we can just go back and get that done to add to our dossier. Hopefully New Jersey will be moving quickly and we will have that certified form back in time for us to go into the city to finish certifications and have everything certified by the state before Michael heads back to work. Feeling very positive. But if I sit and calculate times, it still seems we will be bringing him home in 2013 around Feb.. I'm not going to look that hard at that time line. Miracles happen. For now we are moving forward, and that feels really good!

Great News!

The mail came and I am beyond excited that our appt from USCIS was there!!  It is such a relief that everything was done correctly and made it here. Michael is not home for the appt. but I am not stressing because everyone says you can usually get a walk in appt. So we will be there 8:00 Monday morning with my best pleading face on.  I'm feeling better that things will be picking up. Hopefully we will also get our last pieces of documentation needed on Monday from homestudy, FTIA, and the police dept. Then off to the county!!! Deep breath. I am starting to be able to breath again. A great reminder that God is in control! Thank goodness, because I definitely am not! :) Wouldn't want it any other way. I have to keep reminding myself that he will come home at the exact time God has planned for him to come home. And He will continue to take care of him until then. Feeling very relieved to have these papers in my hand!! Do I dare think we may get everything to the Chinese consulate before Michael heads back to work? Hhhmmmm

So confusing!!!

Thank God for Teresa and her very compassionate and giving ways. My friend (introduced through our very wonderful social worker) offered to look over my dossier before we took it to get certified/ authenticated through the county, state, and ultimately the Chinese consulate. Teresa use to own a dossier business and really knows her stuff. Well, long story short, she graciously gave up at least an hour of her day off to show me where things were missing, and where things had to go to different places than where I was taking them. So now I am back to trying to gather more papers to correctly complete our dossier before going to the county. Our fingerprint forms didn't come in the mail yet from the USCIS. Teresa had sent hers in the day before us and got them on the 3rd, so I am hoping this doesn't mean something is wrong. And the police still didn't do our letter of good conduct for clearance. She left a message that I would be picking it up on Monday (but said to call first, incase....). How angry can I get with them... it's the police. I did send Michael's employment letter to New Jersey for certification. Teresa had told me about that not needing to go to our county since Michael's company is out of NJ. That will take atleast a week and cost another $43. Also, our birth certificates need to go to the city not the county since we weren't born in Suffolk. I was just suppose to know this stuff. But didn't. Once again, thank you Teresa! She said that could take weeks! So we want to go in person while Michael is home.  I was so hoping to have everything ready to go to the state while he is home this time. He just got home yesterday, and the count down begins. I am so frustrated. It just should not be this difficult. Oh, and I forgot. As I was going through our dossier reviewing everything I realized on the back of our marriage certificate the clerk put the wrong year. She put 2013. So that has to be redone. All documents need to be under 6 months old when it goes to China. With all these hold ups, that count down is going quickly as well. If we don't have everything back and done, things start expiring and have to be redone. :(  It just should not be this hard. Just want him home!!!!

Pampered Chef

All the Pampered Chef is sorted and ready to deliver tomorrow. Thank you so much to everyone! Our fund raiser was a huge success! Everyone got such cool stuff. I absolutely love Pampered Chef. And we are a little closer to our goal of getting Frankie home!  Thanks guys.

The good & bad

I'm feeling sad. No matter how I figure it up, and let me tell you I go over the time table all the time, I can't see us getting our approval to bring Frankie home until about February. All the approvals and processes are just taking so much longer than I expected. I wrote for advice from the wonderful Waiting Children yahoo group I belong to and everyone said a year is pretty much the average time span. We would be one year if we bring him home in Feb. It felt good to know I'm not doing something wrong. I feel like I am trying so hard, but always wonder if there is something I could be doing better or different to make things go faster. Obviously I want to do the best I can for him. He's got another birthday coming up and it brings me to tears to think he is going to still be in the orphanage for it. I don't know for sure what he knows or doesn't know about someone wanting to adopt him. I agree it is too long of a wait to tell him yet. But knowing how it hurts him thinking he doesn't have a family and is another year older just breaks my heart. I just want him home. We want to start making up for all those years. It hurts. Then on a very good note, I was so happily surprised when Donna let us know that we made $550. toward his adoption through our Pampered Chef fundraiser! We need $2560. to send in at the time our dossier goes to China (which I pray will be soon). So $550 is a chunk of that! I'm so excited about that.  We've made it this far. After that stage we will be looking to get a loan. Then some of the financial pressure will be off. I think at that point we'll have a better understanding what we will still need and hopefully be able to get a loan we can handle better. Thank you so much to everyone that purchased something or donated toward helping us get this far. I can't wait to tell him how many people cared about him. That he was important. And everyone wanted to make such a difference for him. Thank you so much. We're blessed. And he is blessed. God has His hand on his life. He's got a plan for him. He was destined to not remain an orphan. And with that I have to remind myself, that it is in God's time. And we wouldn't want it any other way. But until then, I guess I'm going to shed a lot of tears. We love you Frankie.

USCIS

Well, I received our confirmation that our I-800A was received June 21. But no sign of when we will get our notice to go get fingerprinted. It just states it was received and forwarded to the Hague adoption unit. So as far as a time line, I have no idea what this means. I just know it is not quick enough. I heard that once we get it we can try to walk in instead of waiting for the appointment. If they aren't busy they may take us. I'm nervous that our appt. may be for when Michael is at work. We are also still waiting for our clearance from the police dept. I thought that would have been here already. As soon as that comes I think we'll start getting everything certified instead of waiting on CIS. I just want him home now! Or to at least feel like it was getting closer. I thought we'd be going in the fall, maybe Nov. Now it is starting to look like it won't be until Feb. of next year. That would mean it took a full year of paper chasing and waiting. I feel like we are working so hard. It seems like it should be quicker. He's continuing to grow up. And he can't even know we are here, desperately wanting him home with us. They had said awhile back that he was getting discouraged because he wanted a family and didn't have one. I just hope he can some day understand that we have wanted him from the moment we saw him. And we are working so hard. My patience can't run out now. It's been very difficult trying to figure it all out. So far it seems we have done well with the paperwork. We did get our application for a grant in on time. Please keep us in prayer that they will help us. I'm trying really hard to not let the stresses get to me. I know God is in control. I find lately I have to remind myself, sometimes several times a day, "God's got this".

Yesterday was a very full day. We have been going full steam. We went to the police station to get our clearances. Turns out you have to wait a couple of weeks to get it, so we couldn't follow up with the county. But on the bright side, that is the last piece of paper we need for our dossier. Our CIS paper work is in. They should be receiving it tomorrow. So we began trying to apply for grants. Seems simple enough right? I don't know if it is just because it has been so busy or what, but my brain was having a tough time keeping up. It is quite the process and the numbers weren't adding up.  I don't know if all the school districts are the same but the past 3 weeks have been a marathon to see how much we can fit into the last days of school! My brain is gone. And then even though Michael is the cooler parent, yesterday, they wanted to be with Mommy. I kept trying to explain to them about dead lines. We are trying to make the June cut off date. But I was not getting through their end of the year craziness excitement. O.K., like right now. I am sitting here, taking a moment to write, and the phone rings. I have to say, it was the sweetest little voice on the other end of the phone "mom, can you bring my bathing suit to school? I didn't know I needed it today". Well, I didn't either, so off I ran. I ran upstairs, got the bathing suit, towel, bag, and shoes, got the dogs in, shut the doors, grabbed my bag and ran out the door, jumped in the car....for the second I stared at the dashboard. Something is suppose to happen. Oh yeah, you need keys to run this thing. Back out, in the house, dogs going crazy, false alarm, I am not home yet, save the kisses, got the keys, out the door, in the car......Then a very pleasant surprise. My honey put gas in the car!! That was so appreciated. He's a good guy! Made it on time, and my kiddos are having fun. We will get rest one day. It's all good and I'll take it. I am just really hoping all the paperwork is done correctly.  A bus with very loud, excited children just passed. Got to go. First child home from school.

CIS

SENT OUR US.CIS PAPER WORK IN TODAY!!!! YEAH!!! Praying it will go through quickly. Tomorrow back to the police station for our letter of good conduct, to complete our dossier. Then hopefully we can get everything notarized and certified through the county before Michael heads off to work.

Our yard sale was a success, with everyone's contributions and the kids' lemonade stand we made $481!!! And it was a lot of fun. We have established I would definitely prefer to give things away than make a sale, as Michael happily sent me away to take Allie to her last soccor game for the season. And I was really trying to be good, knowing what we are doing here! We had some things left. So now we will send things over to a friend that is doing a yard sale fundraiser next weekend to help get her son home that is also waiting for her in China! So exciting! Our home study is officially done and approved. Michael picked it up Friday on his way home from work! We have an awesome social worker! So our paper chase schedule for the week includes: completing and sending off our paperwork for CIS with the $890. that we now have! Getting our last item we need from the police station to complete our dossier! (also very exciting), getting everything notarized and certified through the county, and hopefully we will also send everything to the state for the same. We are also to the point that we can now apply for grants, which I will  be doing this week to make the end of June deadlines! Yeah!  Please pray for us for the grant process. We have donated in the past to some of these agencies and I am hoping and praying so much that they will help us a little. Then we will have a better understanding of the amount we will need for a loan. It is so awesome that we have not had to stop for a moment due to lack of funds. When the next payment has been due we have had it. Sometimes with in days, but we've had it.  I realize we are just beginning, but it's been a miracle the way everything has been going. God is definitely leading the destiny of our little guy. Thank you so much to everyone for all your help and support.

Thank you

We are doing a  Pampered Chef  fundraiser and we are feeling so blessed and thankful to everyone that was able to come or place an order or help us out. I am so moved by everyone's support and concern to bring Quan home. I can't thank everyone enough.  He is coming home to such a great place. It is so awesome that he is so welcomed and wanted, and so many people care about him. So many people are having a part in getting him home. Thank you Donna for doing a great party! And thank you so much to everyone from the bottom of our hearts.

Message to Quan

We've been working so hard to complete all the needed paperwork and get things straightened out, fixing and redoing until everything is perfect. Even through Michael's dad passing we continued working, trying to get everything done. We want so much to get him home. I wish so much he knew we were here. That he has a family that wants him. We are bringing every cent we can together to get the money needed. We're working so hard at all the paper work and we are completing all the requirements. It is a very complicated confusing process. I look at his photos, and I look in his eyes, and I just wish he knew we were here. Working so hard for him.  I will step way out of my comfort zone and travel 17 hours on a plane to a far away country where I don't speak the language because I love him. I will ask him to step way out of his comfort zone and leave with a stranger to go to a far away place where he will have to learn a new language and life. But I promise to always help him, always be there for him, and always love him. He will never be alone with out his family again. I just wish he knew right now he is not an orphan anymore. He has a family. And we are doing everything we can to get him home. I wish so much it didn't take so long. I pray if somehow it's possible that God could whisper to his heart right now as he sleeps that he has a momma, and a babba (daddy) that love him so much. (This was the picture taken in the winter when we were trying to find him. They took his picture "for a family that was considering adopting him". He looked so cold and feverish. I wanted him home then.  He must wonder why it is taking so long or maybe that we didn't want him.) I just wish he knew. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you...plans to give you hope and a future.              

Martin "Pa"

Today is a day of loss once again for our family. Michael's dad passed away this morning. It's just been such a difficult time. I am thankful that we were able to share the news with him that we got  preapproved to adopt Frankie. He was so excited. And it was so great to hear him so happy. Michael and I couldn't get over how much it meant to him. It meant a lot to us that he shared our excitement and love for Frankie. We will miss you "Pa".

First glitch

O.K., first very frustrating glitch. After realizing they would not accept all the copies of birth and marriage certificates we had left from Allie's adoption because they were over 6 months old, (not getting why that should matter when they don't change) we quickly reordered everything again so we would be ready to complete our home study and start immigration. Well, the other day the certificates arrived, on time. Yeah.  Then I opened the package. Michael's were there, mine were not.  But they charged the full $100. O.K. so I'm upset because this will now mess up the schedule but alright I'll just get this straightened out and ask them to send my copies. I'm going to spare you all the boring details but basically after all morning of trying to reach them by phone and internet. I finally get through by phone only to find out it is a strictly automated system where you can not speak to a human being, and there is no automated option for "you robbed me". Not anything even remotely close. Only to order more, which I did. Trying desperately to get everything done. Hoping they will send a refund shortly. UUuuuugggghhh!

Frankie Martin

Awhile back I posted about my dad. We dedicated this blog to him. My dad passed away in January from a long battle with cancer. He never got to go into remission, he never got to get better, but he never gave up or stopped fighting. My dad, Pop Pop, was one of the most amazing people I'll ever know and we all miss him more than you can put into words. There was nothing he couldn't do and he did everything for everyone. He was Joshua's best friend and Joshua was his buddy. I am thankful that he was able to see pictures of Fu Quan and share in our hopes to adopt him. He spoke to us both about our plans and then supported us in them. During one of our talks, many of us were so blessed to have with him over this past year, he told me, "If you can come up with the money for the adoption expense, bring him home". Later I told him we were going to adopt Quan, I wanted him to know. And I told him that he and Quan shared the same birthday. His face lit up. People have said we will have a guardian angel watching over this adoption. I hope so. I hope he can some how look down. We didn't get to tell him Quan's new name. We are going to name him Frank Martin Quan. Quan for his Chinese heritage, Martin after Michael's dad, and Frank after my dad.

PA!!!

I pulled into the block this morning and a Fed Ex was pulling out. I have never been able to look at a Fed Ex truck with out thinking about adoption, and Cesar our Fed Ex man that was the stork that delivered our first pictures of Allie. (What a day that was) So when I saw the truck I thought maybe it was a good sign that we would hear something soon. The PA doesn't come by Fed Ex, but by way of the internet. But it was my sign. We got our PA!!! We are officially acknowledged by China as proceeding to adopt Fu Quan. It's a good day.

Patience

Well, I'm already starting to feel like the whole waiting thing is getting difficult. Not good, since it's really only just beginning. With us we were already talking about him and knew about him for a year and a half. I feel like we've been waiting for him for such a long time.  I will feel better if we would just get the pre approval (PA) from China. Some people get it with in days. I really hope this isn't a sign of how things are going to go. We were so hoping to some how have him home by November. Even that feels too long. I know it will be difficult. But we are all so ready to have him home. I can't wait to finally get to the point where we can at least let him know he does have a family. From all that we have heard that is a very big deal for him. But we can't let him know until we are ready to bring him home. Otherwise the kids get discouraged about why it took so long to come get them. They don't understand this whole process. Heck, neither do I half the time. It's 10:30 in the morning in China. Hopefully he is in school. They say he loves school. I think he attends school with in the orphanage, but I am not sure. I am so hoping we will hear something this week!

Really a blessing

I have to tell you how I wound up getting this amazing picture of Quan. First I have to say some kids are advocated for all over the place. The institutions they are in are very public and accessible to foreigners. This was not the case for him and the children in this SWI. They only started allowing adoptions when he was already 7yrs old. Already considered an older child. There was no video available of him, which I desperately looked for everywhere. You can just get so much more with a video and it is just such an asset in finding a family for a child. As far as I understand he was chosen with 3 other children from that orphanage to join other children in attending a 3 day camp sponsored by our adoption agency where the staff could spend time with the kids and take pictures and info to try to find families for them. Families were not found for these 4. Then his file was sent to another agency. A family was not found. All the time we were following him and praying for a family to come forward. Then his file was sent to the shared list. Which is basically a list of numbers and special needs with no face or name. That's where it stayed. Fast forward one year later we decide after a lot of prayer, we are going to do this. Now I try and try to get updated info on him. I receive info that he is a smart good little boy that helps the nanny with chores, does very good in school (3rd grade) but that he desperately wants a family. He would love to have other children in the family, and he loves all animals. They knew nothing about us when collecting this info but it sounded like a pretty good match to our family. This info arrived with one close up photo where he appeared feverish or very cold. The picture was taken January 16th or 17th. It is cold then and the orphanage probably doesn't have the best of heat, if any. There was a hint of a smile. Maybe because they told him this is for a family considering adopting you. So I studied the photo and had the image imprinted in my mind that I saw it in my sleep. It now haunted me as I would tuck the kids in at night. Every morning as we started our day we were now painfully aware of this little guy on the other side of the world that was going to sleep. Maybe not being tucked in, maybe cold, maybe hungry. We got an updated formal file on him and with this came some new unknowns. And some new photos. Still looking very serious, very sad, only older. After a lot of prayer and speaking with doctors and the agency, we committed to him. Now here's where it gets cool. Through an advocacy group I "meet" a wonderful family from Canada that adopted their daughter from the same orphanage that Quan is in. That in itself is amazing because normally it is common to have support groups full of people that adopt from the different institutions. There are usually pictures of the place etc. This orphanage is literally no where to be found.  This family sent us a video that was taken this past November! The one thing I was so hoping and praying for! In the video there is this beautiful, amazing, little boy. It was him! Also in the video is an American man taking pictures of him and the other children. But seemed to be spending a lot of time with him and a little girl. I went on a hunt to find who this man may be that was speaking (English) to and spending time with him. Turns out, this man lives on LI, has been in a difficult process trying to adopt the little girl, and  when they told him he could take one other child out for the day with his daughter he picked Quan.  He told me that Quan is just a beautiful little boy. He was beyond excited to eat at KFC and be at the mall. He likes to play hide and seek, (seems to be the game of choice around here), he sent me this beautiful picture of him smiling (finally!!!). I so needed that. I just needed to see him smiling. I needed to see that he could be happy. Then he sent me a video taken the day at KFC. I got to hear his voice! Don't have a clue  what he was saying!! But it was so cute!!! He was excited, smiling, exploring, and happy!!!  I can't put into words what that has done for our hearts. This wonderful man that has shown these children such love said that when he arrives he gives them all hugs. He said they freeze up because they are not use to it, but they have come to know him and that he will be giving them hugs. I have to say the expense of adoption is great, but about $6100 is humanitarian aide, with about $5300 going to the orphanage. I honestly feel that you can see a huge difference in the children from the first year adoptions began to be allowed there, and now. It made me feel a lot better about the expenses involved. We just really want him home. It is very difficult to see the poverty he lives in. My heart hurts for the other children. One specifically that is in many of the pictures with Quan. He is now 12 and his time of finding a family is short. He also wants a family desperately. Please continue to pray that we get our pre approval soon. And pray for these children. (If you are still here, thank you for reading this very long post)

I have to share where I got this awesome picture later. But yes that is him! Look at that smile!

The Process

When we sent our letter of intent (LOI) to China they said you should hear something with in 1-8 weeks. We just passed the one week point! I am so ready to hear. In my heart he has quickly already become ours. So I need to hear. We have been trying to educate ourselves on the paperwork process and all the changes that have taken place since Allie came home. I thought we were jumping through hoops then. Wow, nothing compared to now. The training was excellent and I would recommend the "Because They Waited" seminar for any one that has adopted a child that spent any time in an orphanage. Allie was only there under 9 months and I was amazed to see the insight given in this seminar. Wish I had seen that 4 years ago! So, the paper work. Hhhhmmmm. What can I say. I have never felt more unintelligent. I mean the stuff is just so complicated. I finally understand that all the documents have to be notarized, in a specific format (what ever that means) because it can be messed up very easily. Then normally it has to go to the Secretary of State in NYC. I know some people are city people. I'm not so much. I mean I'm all for a trip to see the tree, but definitely not a city driver. Then it has to all go to the Chinese Consulate, also in NYC. Then the lucky bonus because we live in NY we get to first put it through the county clerk. All this of course costing a bunch of money per document. Then lastly because Michael will not be traveling with me to China I have to get a power of attorney. Not so bad you say. But it also has to go through that whole process in all of the above places. And if I am understanding this correctly, can't be done at the same time because it could expire before we get to go to China. Somewhere in there soon I have to start the immigration process too. I remember that being a fun day! But I think it has changed. I'm hoping. I don't mean to sound unappreciative. I so am. And that face waiting for a family on the other side of the world makes it all worth it. It just can become so overwhelming trying to figure it out. Our adoption agency has been wonderful. The girl that works with the China program is probably sorry she ever heard my name. But she never says anything. (to me anyway :) So as not to scare anyone wanting to adopt. There are ways to have a lot of this done for you. But with our budget we are trying really hard to keep costs down. And you do get through it. One step at a time, it will happen. I just so don't want to mess anything up and cost us time. I want to get him home as quickly as possible. Keep the prayers coming. We so appreciate and need them.

LOI To China

We completed our training. Our letter of intent has been sent to China! Yeah! Now we wait to hear if they preapprove us. It is very unnerving when you are writing these things knowing that by those few pieces of paper they can approve or deny you. I am trying to figure out a time line. We are busy getting all paper work, certificates, and doctor forms done so we are ready to go as needed. We are so excited! There have been unbelievable signs and confermations that he is suppose to be our son. I will share more later. Please be praying that all goes well. Thanks so much.

I am very blessed by the community of adoptive families and advocates for waiting children. It is so awesome to talk with people that understand and get it when so many, I don't know how, but they just don't. It's like an extended family that I am so grateful for. I have been so blessed recently after I was contacted by a wonderful family that had adopted their daughter from the same orphanage that Fu Quan is in. There have not been many adoptions from this SWI so this was very exciting. It doesn't end there! They actually sent me a copy of a video they had from the orphanage and Fu Quan was in the video! The one thing I have been continuously hoping for! I now have seen video of him. Boy is he cute! It is a very poor institution. Tough to see. The children appear to be well cared for.  He seems to relate to the other children very well. God has been opening a lot of doors and connecting me with really great people. I am very grateful for everyone. I am feeling very humbled that He is in control and trusting that He has a great plan. We on the other hand are completing trainings and obtaining paperwork....and preparing for a yard sale! We have only come up with about $2700. of the needed adoption funds. A little scary, but not pushing the panic button yet. Margaret if you are reading, thank you for the awesome reference. Over 36yrs! Wow! O.K, so that means we met when we were 2, right? I won't tell if you don't. After that long, friendship becomes family. So thank you sis, thank you for always being there for me. Love you.

Happy Easter

Wishing everyone a very Happy and blessed Easter and Passover.

What's in a name

I was looking into the meaning of the name Fu Quan. What I did not realize is that "Fu" is the name given to him to identify the orphanage he is in. In China the surname is first and the person's first name is last. Children in orphanages are all given the same surname which identifies what institution they are in and also makes them know as an orphan for life.  Where as "Quan" is his first name. They gave him the name Quan since he was born without his left hand. Quan means a form of perfection. Allie's birth name was Yin Le Feng. We dropped the Yin identifying the SWI she was in and kept LeFeng for her. Her name means  "happy" and "wind". Kind of fits. She is very happy,... and on the move! When we were waiting for Allie to come home we were able to look at photos of the orphanage she was in and be in contact with other families that had been there. Half the Sky also had an amazing program there. So we were provided with pictures and so much information on her from birth. That is awesome because we have photos for her to see. We even have the little foot prints.  The orphanage that Fu Quan is in is off the charts. There is no info out there or groups from there. What I am hearing is that they only started allowing adoptions from there just short of 2 years ago. I don't know what to expect. Since he has been there since shortly after birth I am hoping they will have photos for him to have. I have heard of families that don't have photos having someone do the opposite of age progression drawings (not sure what to call that) for the children to have. I think that's great. Just wishing things would move along a little quicker now. We are feeling very blessed that he will be our son. He will complete our family. I always tell the kids when they ask what nationality they are , they are American. But they still look further. Joshua is proud that he is Italian just like Pop pop. Hannah adds that she is half Italian and of course Polish. She loves that. Insisting we eat polish foods. They add that mom and dad are half Italian. Allie says she is Chinese. She is a very sensitive child, and a while back she asked me if I was Chinese. Knowing it was important to her I answered that God gave me a Chinese heart.  I never knew just how important it was to her until recently when I've heard her proudly repeat that to people. "My mommy has a Chinese heart". I don't know which one is more excited about Fu Quan joining the family. Joshua is thrilled to have a brother. Hannah is always just ,the more the merrier. And Allie is thrilled that there will be another person of Chinese heritage in the family. They are such close siblings. It is not out of the ordinary after tucking them all into their beds to find that they have moved to each other's rooms. The other night I found them all in Joshua's room. They had sleeping bags all over the floor. I really can't wait for Fu Quan to be home.

Hi all. The paperwork end has been going slow. We are good with the actual paper work but have been having a tough time, finding the time, to complete the required training.  Michael has been working a second job to help come up with the needed funds. He's not complained once and manages to still be home shortly after the kids return from school to give them daddy time.  He is so good. We are giving ourselves a dead line for the end of the week. This has been such a tough week. I am missing my dad so much. He was such a good person. Everyone always thought he was so intimidating, until they got to know him. He had the total cop image going on. He had such a good heart. He was never quick to judge others, always gave you the benefit of the doubt, was always ready to listen, always full of love, and ready to help anyone where ever needed. He always had the correct answer and advice. My dad had such a heart for kids in need. He gave money to help kids that needed help to get off the streets and have a home. He gave to help kids over seas get needed cleft palate repair surgeries. In a day and age when so many people are so quick to judge others he was a safe place, someone that always looked for the good and did what was right. He is missed so much. He had a major influence on Joshua, his buddy. I see a lot of those caring characteristics in Josh. They are very alike, same determination, and big heart.  I am sad he isn't going to be here when Fu Quan comes home. But I know he will some how be here to see him. I believe he sees everything that is going on. I would give anything to see that NYPD hat coming through the front door as we did so many days, as the kids would scream with delight, "Pop pop is here!"  He was their biggest fan. He loving looked at all three of them, with nicknames for each based on their individual personalities. Dad, you are so missed. We miss you Pop pop.

This was one of the first pictures we ever saw of Quan.  He was 7 then. I was talking to Shara about all the signs there were back then. It was cool remembering all those things and I thought I would take a moment to post them. First, of course, was that he shared the same birthday with my dad. That stood out right away.  My dad was happy about that. Then there was the picture he drew of a mostly blue house, similar to ours, surrounded  by water. I printed that picture and kept it to look at often. (All the time praying his family would come forward and find him). Then when I noticed he was wearing a number "24", it actually stopped me, almost like it took my breath away for the moment. I have always had some kind of connection with the number 24. Favorite number, I guess, but even more than that. There have been so many signs. All this time watching and praying for him. Watching him grow up in an orphanage. We all started wanting him here more and more. One day while praying for his family to find him Hannah said "Mommy, but why can't we be his family?"  Why can't we. He needs a family. We want to be his family. Why not have that child like faith. Why not believe you can step out in faith and do something that means so much to you, even if it's difficult. Why not.

I had my first moment of feeling totally overwhelmed with the paperwork today. It's funny how you forget how difficult the paperwork can be after your child is home. But Betty from FTIA actually sensed my frustration in an email, and called to rescue me. How cool is that! She walked me through the steps and made it all manageable again. So we are back on track. Please keep those prayers coming as I am trying to make my way around this whole internet thing learning how to do a blog, set up fundraisers, and do a lot of paperwork! Just have to keep focused on that precious face that has brought us here.